Could I be wrong about Mr. Right?

As I stood on the rooftop of a popular bar in the city, with brooding eyes and endless thoughts about how currently things were going with Mr. Right- I couldn't help but think what the catch was! Finding myself stuck in a sort of 'too good to be true' situation yet again, I began to wonder if history was repeating itself. Was it possible? Could I be wrong about Mr. Right being Mr. Right? Or was it just my overthinking brain that was reflecting too much on the past yet too little on the present?

Contemplating sharing my concerns with Mr. Right, I wondered if I even had a leg to stand on when bringing up these so called 'concerns'- or were they just fragments of my brain working overtime to accentuate the effects of the past- just looking to fuck things up with Mr. Right?

Talking of the past, however, my 'too good to be true' situation was pretty typical of sorts. Girl meets Guy. Guy sweeps her off her feet- talks about the future and can't stop showering her with compliments. Girl falls for the Guy. Guy thinks of her as a won conquest- gives excuses about being busy at work hoping the Girl would be smart enough to get the hint- doesn't really have balls to man up and say he's done. Girl finally gets it. Slaps him. Gets over it. Moves on.

Did it hurt? Very much. Does it still hurt? No. But once bitten, twice shy. They say, the first rule of any relationship is to never let them change you. I concur. But what if it wasn't them, but the relationship that changed you? Those couple of months with 'Mr. Too Good to be true' not only made me a more cynical person, but also made me doubt even the sincerest of efforts made by Mr. Right. I started to look for motive behind each and every move Mr. Right made.

For instance, when he brought me presents!- I should have been happy because he's probably the first guy to do that for me- instead, I was doubtful. "Did he get the same ones for his other girlfriends? Is he trying to lure me into sleeping with him? Is it just the stuff that someone else gifted him and he just doesn't like it enough so wants to pass it on?"- Endless thoughts clouded my mind, yet I hugged him and thanked him because I honestly loved it all- but it was just hard to believe.

As time passed, I started to rubbish my disbelief and thought to myself if it was actually possible that he liked me? Sure, i could ask him directly, but Mr. Right isn't one to express feelings or give direct answers- so one's gotta let his actions do the talking. Yet as days passed, Mr. Right started to get extremely busy with work and that took me back to the past within no time.

Don't get me wrong- I'm all for people having their own space and I'm pro 'work first'. And anyone who knows me and my equation with Mr. Right, knows that I have an unrealistic level of faith in him so I know he won't lie or wrong me. But in that moment, all I could think of, was that one guy who used work as an excuse to bail on me. And as anxiety and PMS got the best of me one night, I decided to ask Mr. Right if he was done with me. He was probably surprised about my sudden outburst and didn't know what hit him.

How he responded to that isn't really important because like I said, he never gives direct answers. But what's important to note here is, that I put across my feelings and told him my past was the reason for my paranoia and anxiety. And I'd want you to know, that like me- you, Mr. Right and everyone else out there has a past too. And the fact of the matter remains, that no matter how hard we try, it will continue to haunt us. We all come with a baggage of our own. We all need someone to help us with that baggage. But no one can help you with your baggage unless you tell them it exists. Maybe Mr. Right will help me with mine. Maybe I'll stop being so cynical and trust his actions more. Maybe I'll understand that he's not that guy from my past. Maybe he's that guy who's genuinely into me and there's no 'motive' behind his efforts- like there's no 'motive' behind mine. Maybe with time, and a little bit of more reassurance I'd know about what baggage he brings, and I know I'd want to help him deal with his.

Until then, I'm going to keep my anxiety at bay. And I'm going to remember, just like I'd want you to remember- no two people are the same; just because some guy in your past was a douchebag, doesn't mean the one in your present is too. People who are cheated on in the past can get loyal partners. People who've been mistreated in the past, can find someone who thinks the world of them. And people like me, who've always been on the giving side of efforts, can find someone who puts in efforts for them- without an ulterior motive. So here's hoping Mr. Right isn't scared away by my 'baggage' and can help me unload it. And here's hoping all of us are 'baggage-free' super soon- because you can't get rid of the past but you can do away with the baggage! All you need is a little bit of help!

Labels, Titles and Desires of the Heart!

Talking to a colleague about one of his married friends, I realised there are people out there who cheat without guilt. Somehow, I had previously been oblivious to the concept- so this shocked me.
That night, talking to a close friend Priya over the phone, I asked for her opinion too. She wasn't as surprised as I was. Maybe it was the difference in our way of thinking- or the fact that she's been cheated on one too many times to be shocked by it anymore. But all this made me wonder, if commitment in today's date even meant anything? Or had it completely lost it's value? Or was it just me who laid so much importance on loyalty, while for others, it was just overrated?

Talking of Priya- she had entirely given up on the idea of commitment or labels. So she started out in a 'friends with benefits' arrangement with her childhood pal Ashish. Ashish who had very recently broken up, made no bones about the fact that this was exactly what he wanted. As time passed, Priya found herself wanting to talk to him about 'defining the relationship'!

What was she hoping the outcome would be? - She was maybe expecting him to tell her he liked her more than he let on, or it wasn't just about the physical aspect, or that their relationship actually meant something to him. What happened instead?- He decided to ignore the talk, conveniently.

Maybe it was because to him, what was between them, meant nothing. Or maybe he was commitment phobic, or hated the idea of labels! Or perhaps it was because Priya didn't directly ask him anything by putting her feelings forward and instead just vaguely mentioned if he was still in the same state of mind as when they started out.

But that night, talking to her, I tried to understand why was she looking to label her relationship. As per Priya, she was unsure about their status, and if or not she could see other people- and if Ashish would be okay with that. She wanted to be on the same page as him. I began to wonder if this was only Priya's problem or were me and all my other friends plagued too?

Why are labels and tags so important? What's all the talk about 'Defining The Relationship'? To me, personally, I would want to define mine so I'm able to introduce my man to the most important people in my life without him getting creeped out! And of course, when you're so into someone, you want to tell the whole wide world who they are! And why not! Also, being on the same page, relationship wise is important. But more importantly, don't our hearts determine our relationship statuses and loyalty levels rather than tags and labels?

If you start out with an intent to define your relationship just so you can assess whether or not you can see other people- isn't that intent wrong in the first place? And even though being on the same page is important; isn't it wrong to expect to know the other person's feelings before you express your own? Why can't we decide what we feel, independent of what the other person feels for us? Why are we so scared to put ourselves in that vulnerable spot?

My advise to Priya and to everyone out there who's in a nameless relationship of sorts would just be this- don't stress too much on labels and tags- let your heart decide that for you. Yes exclusivity is important and so is being on the same page, so that of course you don't stay loyal to the guy who got married in 2015. But then again, define your relationship for the right reasons; not because you're just curious what the other person thinks! Don't be scared to put your feelings out there- that's the only way to love a person known to mankind.

Another piece of important advice? Don't mince your words when it comes to having the talk. Men, and even women, are not mind readers or magical creatures who would understand what you mean without you saying it. Dropping hints is so 2007- we are not teenagers anymore and straight talk is the norm of the day!

Also, remember that even some married people cheat on their spouses and people in committed relationships also sometimes stray and end up cheating on their partners. Labels and Tags don't determine a happy committed relationship where no one cheats- it's all in the heart! I know I'm loyal to someone who I don't have a defined relationship with. Why? Because that's how I feel in my heart; and because luckily he didn't get married in 2015! Loyalty is a state of mind, and a decision taken by the heart- don't confuse it with relationship statuses!

Rise above the labels, and tags- but at the same time don't be fooled by a man wanting to have 'boyfriend' rights and privileges while not being man enough to acknowledge your presence in his life.

And anyway, till you find 'the one'- isn't defining any relationship just a little futile? Till then, just pay attention to feelings, and give the labels a rest!