During a recent catch up with Dhruv- I learnt that he was comfortably in some sort of arrangement with a perfectly nice girl- and he thought of themselves as Friends, with benefits. Another friend recently slept with someone in the heat of the moment and thought it was perfectly okay to not call the girl back in order to avoid the melodrama. I wasn’t surprised! This certainly seems to be the norm of the day. In fact, overall, casual sex is having such a moment right now that it supersedes any form of real emotional attachment.
While some of us millennials are still on the lookout for their respective Rajs and Simrans; others are just enjoying casual sex the ‘Bekfikrey’ way! We’ve come a long way from ‘A walk to remember’ to ‘No strings attached’. And it’s really easy to opt in for casual sex; as easy as ‘Swiping Right’! One Night Stands have become a usual thing and are seldom met with an eye roll now. But the important questions here are- Has romance died? Has love lost its value? Do emotions mean nothing and sex is everything?
Everyone I know is either casually involved with someone or is going the arranged marriage way. There is literally no one in between, choosing the middle path. Is the middle path so hard to choose? Is it actually so difficult to fall in love with someone organically; without your parents putting an approval stamp on them? Are we, as millennials, not capable of real relationships based on our own set of beliefs, intuitions, feelings and emotions? Or is it that the only thing we crave is mad, passionate, no strings attached sex? This is honestly so tragic! We are choosing between sex and marriage, and we’ve side-lined love altogether as a generation.
The fact is that we’ve all been conditioned a certain way. We’ve started being influenced by movies such as ‘Shudh Desi Romance’, ‘OK Jaanu’, ‘Cocktail’, ‘The Rebound’ and ‘Love AajKal’ which portray being ‘commitment phobic’ as cool. However, that’s far from the truth. Commitment phobia isn’t ‘cool’! But this doesn’t stop from changing the mindset of the youth. These days, no one wants to be in love with someone; they just want to be in bed with them. After all, love- as per these movies- complicates things. Absolutely no one, is willing to get out of their respective comfort zones or let anyone else inside theirs.
We talk about spending the weekend partying, planning trips and taking up new roles at work; but we never talk about our relationships, our fears, our weaknesses, or even our feelings. In the rat race of life, and influenced by all the movie madness that only promotes flings, short term relationships, friendships and casual sex these days- we have lost our way. No longer do we aspire to be Noah from ‘The Notebook’ or ‘Raj’ from DDLJ- but we’re okay with being ‘Jamie’ from ‘Friends with Benefits’ or ‘Nik’ from “Salaam Namaste’. But till when can we go on like this? And what is it that stops us from investing in real relationships? Is the fear of heartbreak? Or the emotional incapability stemming from our childhoods?
And what do we do really? Do we put a full stop on casual sex? Or do we start carrying a board that says- ‘Looking for Love’ everywhere we go? I suggest we do whatever we feel like; but just not make role models of all these people portraying shallow characters on screen- because we are much more than that. We are very much capable of forming real connections, committing to lasting relationships, and developing bonds that go beyond our bodily needs. It is totally up to you to succumb to your bodily needs while you find someone you can have a real, meaningful relationship with- there is absolutely no one you owe an explanation to. And it’s also completely okay to not indulge in casual sex at all. The bottom line is to not be scared of commitment or relationships and to not restrict yourselves to casual sex. As Paul Varjak rightly put it in ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’- “People do fall in love, People do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness”
So excuse me, while I go watch re-runs of all my old classic movies and the Pooja in me decides to wait on her Rahul- because ‘Someone Somewhere is made for you’!