Friday, 23 December 2016

Too Good to be True

Story Credits: My dear friend Natasha :)

As December set in, I decided to forage the racks at mall stores for my Christmas Day Outfit- it’s a self-made tradition honestly; wearing new red clothes on Christmas Day and painting the town red. After much effort, I finally saw this red glitter jumper that seemed just perfect! Staring at it from outside the store, I felt like all my Christmas outfit dreams had come true in the form of that bright red jumper. I went on and decided to see it up close! It was the softest jumper ever, and seemed just warm enough for a cold Delhi evening. The color was bright yet subtle; and the fabric surely wouldn’t make me look fat- I decided to try it on! To my amazement, even though it looked great on me, I decided not to go for it. It was because the jumper had a lining, a black flimsy lining that felt weird against my skin. I returned from the mall empty handed! The jumper was too good to be true!

Telling my friends over drinks that night about my dream jumper and the disappointment that followed; I realized that this happened with me recently in life too.

Almost 6 months back I met this guy Mayank, through a colleague. He worked as an investment banker and was well educated and well-travelled. We instantly hit it off. He dressed smartly, smelt great, looked decent, made me laugh and even put up with my tantrums! He was perfect! He was the guy I always dreamt about having in my life. In a short span of time, we developed a deep connection (or so I thought)!

Soon, between dinners and movies and giggles and midnight conversations, I found myself falling for Mayank; and since I’m not 19 anymore, I thought it was wise to check with him on how he feels before I take this any further. Mayank said he was fully invested in this, in me, in us and I couldn’t stop smiling for a couple of days post that. He said he saw a future with me in it and I started imagining how a life with him would seem like. He always told me about how nice his parents were and how his younger sister meant the world to him and I started envisioning myself as a part of his small world, his family. It all seemed picture perfect.

As a few weeks passed, I started to notice changes in Mayank’s behavior. He stopped texting me or calling me; and would only reply to my texts if he felt like, and usually would respond in monosyllables. He stopped asking me to meet up, and to go out with him or telling me how his days went by. I decided to put my foot down and confront him about these changes. He explained me how he was busy with work, and how this was one of the bad phases of his life, where he could use my support. He said he wouldn’t be able to give me time at all, since his work would take up most of the time. He explained how he realized he was being unfair but he didn’t have much of an option. I was disappointed but decided to be there with him in this so called ‘bad phase’ and make do with not getting the time and attention I deserved.

Slowly and gradually, the distance between us increased. We started to speak less, stopped meeting entirely since he was extremely reluctant even when I planned something; and even almost stopped texting. Days passed by, and I started to miss him more and more. I also started to wonder if he missed me too. But it seemed like he was happily living his life without me now; like he didn’t care about what he said to me just a couple of weeks back!

Tired of all this, I decided to show up at his door, and find out what was going on. And there it was in front of my eyes, the truth that I had been oblivious to- Mayank’s girlfriend! As tears rolled down my cheeks and into the box of chocolates that I was carrying, I started to wonder how long they’d been dating. Thoughts started to cloud my head as I thought if she could be his sister, cousin, colleague, a friend. Before I could come to a conclusion, Mayank came to the door and all my confusion was cleared.

He apologized to me, but said he wasn’t actually cheating on me because he never formally told me we were dating. He scolded me for having come down to his house like a spy and just not understanding his ‘hints’. I lost my cool, and decided to muster some courage and slap him right across his face- and I did. But he conveniently blamed me for my miseries and pointed out how I became too attached when he was only looking to sleep with me as a one time thing. I slapped him one more time, and left! And that was the end of Mayank’s story in my life. He was just like the red jumper- too good to be true!

It was a traumatic experience for me to go through all of this, but at the end of the day I had learnt my lesson- to not be fooled by appearances, or how people want to project themselves. I decided that trusting someone’s words or actions wasn’t the right thing to do. I also reached to a very important conclusion- when someone or something seems too good to be true, more often than not there’s something fishy for sure.

So ladies, if you have someone who loves you dearly, and has been by your side for the longest time but he can’t cook up your favorite meal, or you have a problem with his accent, or how he dresses- put up with it because even though he’s not perfect, he’s not pretending to be anything he’s not. Don’t fall for all the fuckboys trying to waste your time and pretending to be perfect.

And dear men, when you tell a girl you see a future with her in it; and then drop ‘hints’ when you want to break up- remember to chop off the balls you clearly don’t deserve. Do not, remember, absolutely do not pretend to be someone you’re not and project yourselves as someone’s dream come true just to sleep with them- you can pay for that stuff and get done without the melodrama and heartbreak- it’s easier that way! 

Tuesday, 13 December 2016

You're Beautiful, it's true!

My recent vacation to Bali and Malaysia was a blockbuster in the true sense- loads of shopping, late night pool parties with the gang, hung-over days, finger licking food, amazing adventurous water sports, a little bit of pole dancing and some super wild parties! Anyone who has been to Bali as a single guy/girl knows how crazy the party scene is, especially in Kuta. As an average looking woman; who doesn’t get hit on a lot; I sure loved the attention I got there! When a good looking Australian man with the cutest smile winks at you from across the bar; it gives you a new kind of high! And when a tall German hottie, whispers in your ears and asks you if he can dance with you; your confidence level goes up a notch.

In our everyday mundane lives, we look into the mirror everyday- at the same face, at the same body, with the same eyes. We try to fix those circles under our eyes and diet for a flatter stomach. We never look at ourselves as someone who could be attractive, pretty, or sexy to someone. And we go on with life feeling like we’re just another average worthless person, and our confidence levels hit rock bottom. We don’t approach the men we like as we think they’re too out of our leagues. We don’t interview for our dream jobs as we think we don’t look the part. And we don’t even freely talk or speak where we may get noticed since in our minds we think we lack the charm and charisma.

And eventually, since we’re constantly holding back, we start losing confidence- the very same confidence that adds to our charm, charisma, our sex appeal! We start to become the introverts we never were to begin with. We start to live these parallel lives constantly worrying about not being good enough- for our partners, for our parents, for our bosses, for ourselves! But that’s not the truth!
The truth, however, is far from it. The truth is we’re good, really, really amazing in fact! But why do we need someone else to remind that to us? Why do we not feel good about ourselves without someone telling us how amazing we are? We often forget that we are attractive, and our attractiveness lies in our confidence.

My vacation was an eye-opener for me! Not only did so much male attention increase my confidence levels; but it also helped me love myself as I am and be more comfortable in my own skin. For someone like me, who has struggled with self-esteem issues; been extremely shy but always tried to put on a confident face- this vacation was truly godsend. Even the compliments I got on my pictures on social media, added to my confidence boost. My friends, cousins, relatives- most of them personally sought me out and complimented me on my taste and sense of style. They asked me where my dresses were from and how I managed to put my outfits together! A vacation hangover had never been so sweet to deal with earlier.

I came back as a reformed woman- a woman who wasn’t apprehensive, or uneasy. I came back as a smart, confident woman- full of stories, full of joy and enthusiasm, and fully aware of her attractiveness quotient. I wasn’t hesitant to flirt anymore, or to make the first move, or to exchange smiles or glances with that charming man across the room. I wasn’t shy anymore- at work, or in parties, or to talk to strangers.

So for all you girls out there, thinking twice before making the first move, and not feeling really good about yourself or your bodies- remember there are some really charming, smart and handsome men out there who find you extremely attractive and alluring- show some confidence and be your charismatic self. Don’t lose out on all the wondrous opportunities to flirt because you think your ass is too big, or because you hate your chin dimple! Trust me; a big ass is a boon! And that chin dimple, is supposed to bring you good luck! The only key to looking attractive is confidence; a lot of it. And if you still feel low and don’t feel very confident about yourself; pack your bags and take a vacation to that magical island of Bali- live your life; have some fun! What is life without travel after all?