Monday, 26 May 2014

8 Pick Up Lines No Girl wants to hear

1. " Is your name 'Google'? Cuz you got everything I am searching for!"

2. "Do you have a Map? I got lost in your eyes!"

3. "Will you do 'frandship'  with me?"

4. " Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk in again?"

5. " There is a problem with my phone! Your number is not on it!"

6. " What are you doing in such a dirty place? ' My mind'"

7. " Are you tired? Cuz you've been running on my mind all day long!"

8. " Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?"

Friday, 16 May 2014

The 18 Men you better NOT date

1. Mr. Commitment Phobic

This man is perfect, except for the fact that he doesn't seem to acknowledge your existence in front of his friends and family. Also, words like 'relationship', 'marriage', 'couple' and even 'us', might send him running in the opposite direction. So say NO to this man, who will probably never Man Up!

2. Mr. Touchy

This one likes to touch- every now and then. He is obviously not interested in you, but only your body! Lust, not love, is what's on his mind. Do yourself a favor and dump him because it won't be so nice when he will get all touchy feely with other girls too. 

3. Mr. Model

So here's a seemingly perfect guy; sad part is, he only seems perfect. Those hot looks and picture perfect abs won't do much good when you realize he takes more time than you to get ready and has to click a minimum of 800 selfies per day.

4. The Male Chauvinist

He will never ever leave a chance to show you down. He's that guy who got punished in high school for fighting with girls. You don't want him in your life. Seriously, you are better off without him.

5. The alcoholic

Please let's get out of Aashiqui2 and see the real alcoholics for a change! Not so sexy, right? So unless you want to spend 4 hours a day being someone's part time maid, psychiatrist and feelings dumpster, stay the hell away!

6. The Eternal Flirt

Who doesn't appreciate healthy flirting? But seriously, this guy needs to draw a line! No one wants to be with a man who is always chasing after other women, winking at them and uses his cheesy yet filthy pick up lines at the drop of a hat!

7. Mr. Devdas

Yeah SRK had us all swooning with his Devdas act, but this guy is no SRK. This heartbroken man, seldom has much to say or offer. He will keep obsessing over his long lost love or long gone ex, and you will be taken for a ride, so escape now, unless you are Chandramukhi !!

8. Mr. I Love You

This man falls in love too often, too soon and too much. He is NOT, i repeat, he is NOT in love with you, he is love with the idea of being in love. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and is always on the lookout for someone he can fall in love with. He always feels he has found his one true love, until one day he gets bored or finds someone more interesting. 

9. Mr. Money Minded

He is a special kind of species that is definitely not a rare one. Always on the look out for filthy rich females, such men are more bothered about your bank balance than your mental balance. A day will come when he will dump you for someone richer, if he does find her.

10. Mr. Smarty Pants

This wonderful pompous man thinks he knows everything and is always ready with a knowledgeable lecture. A relationship with him will prove to be prolific if and only if you are deaf or really really enjoy listening to lectures. Oh, and also, be ready for regular quiz contests. 

11. The Faker

Meet The Faker who fakes everything from his accent to his life! There is nothing real about this guy. Everything is made up! Its easy to spot him- Lot of hair gel, over-sized belts, photo-shopped pictures on Facebook and man jewelry ( who invented that, anyway)- in short, TACKY! Please stay away from this man unless you want to be a part of the social circle where people go like " Broda.. Whads up? I hear you find new bhabhiji for us yo! "

12. Mr. Too Good to be true

Well, once in a while we do come across that one guy who is just perfect and our heart skips a beat, and we ask ourselves, "Why didn't I meet him before?" Some people might call me insane (maybe I am), but stay the hell away from this guy! You don't know what skeletons he is hiding in his closet! Maybe its all just a facade. What if he is just pretending to be that nice? Maybe he spent years in rehab! It's real life, not a fairy-tale, there are no Princes!! 

13. Mr. Price Tag

He has the latest gadgets, the most expensive car and a suit collection that even Barney Stinson would envy! And he loves to show it all off. In short, unless you are after his money, don't date this ' Ameer Baap ki Bigadi Aulad' 

Oh wait! If he's totally hot and makes you go weak in the knees, just date him yaa! :p

14. The Creep

No one likes to be spied on! And unless, K-K-K Kiran.. is your thing, kindly stay away from this over-possessive obsessed lover who's favorite yet most terrifying dialogues are:

" Main tumhe bhool jaau yeh ho nahi sakta, aur tum mujhe bhool jaao yeh main hone nahi doonga!"

" Agar tum meri nahi ho sakti, toh tum kisi ki nahi ho sakti!"

15. Mr. Self Absorbed

He is obsessed with himself- his good looks, his fancy car, his new haircut, his phone, his clothes, his style, his shoes, his favorite cuisine, his fantasies and basically everything about his own self. For him you are merely a prop- your existence won't make a difference, as he will still click 100 selfies a day, brush his hair 10 times and wash his oh-so-good looking face 5 times, even if you're gone.

16. Too Fast Too Furious

Does it take him one second to go from laughing to shouting? Congratulations, you've landed yourself the too fast too furious  man! You always have to think 100 times before saying something to such guys as you don't know what might tick them off! So it's just better to save yourself the drama and maintain a safe distance.

17. The Boy

He is the boy who refuses to become a man! When you talk about your feelings, he will offer you a Pizza; When you discuss relationship and commitments, he'll make cute faces and when you talk about your career going down the drain, he'll ask you if you need to borrow some cash! In short, his mental level won't ever match yours, so please let go of him before he starts asking Mommy dearest before saying an I Love You to you.

18. Mr. Confusion

This is one man who will never give you a straight answer. He doesn't intend to be rude but he is really just confused. He doesn't have an opinion to stand by it, and he is always in a state of confusion. Ranging from what to wear, to whether or not he is in love with you, everything seems blurry to him. Help clear his confusion a bit, by walking out on him!

P.S. I am against stereotypes too! This article is meant just for fun and doesn't intend to demean anyone in any way. Hope you had a good read!

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

The 18 women you better NOT date

1. Ms. Know-it-all

This woman has a say on everything under the sun; from pizza to Ibiza, from gum to rum, from scones to phones- she knows it all. If her being excessively knowledgeable wasn't enough, she also doesn't hesitate to start up an entire heated discussion, making you feel like you are dating Jhansi-ki-Rani.

2. Ms. Mean Girl

Oh yes, she is dominating, but she's also blunt, cold and just plain mean. She won't only be downright rude to you and others around you, but will also not bat an eyelid before taking complete charge of your life.
She's your nightmare, you just don't know it yet.

3. The 'In it to Win it' Woman

This woman is always competing. She will compete for everything in her life, including your attention. For her everything is a competition, and she will always try and win. She will always look perfect and put her best foot forward in all cases. But beware, as she will also treat you as a prize she won and will not hesitate to dump you once she feels there's no one she's competing with for your love and attention.

4. Ms. Use n Throw

This girl will slowly seep in your life seeming all perfect but before you know it, you'll be paying her bills, driving her around and in worst case scenarios doing her laundry and answering her phone too. Watch out! This woman is a vampire in disguise and will suck all your money, happiness and freedom without you even getting to know it; and then she'll dump you when you have no money, no friends and no life. Don't let the innocent face take you for a ride.

5. Ms. Touch me not

So you find a perfect girl. She is pretty, caring and loves you too. It's all good, till you don't try to touch her; because the moment you touch her, hell befalls. She's weird! Stay Away!

6. The Social Butterfly

One of the toughest decisions she has to make everyday is to finalize which party to go to. Yes, she will literally rock your life. She is jobless, yet wears stylish clothes. Ladies night is her favorite and she gulps down drinks, one after another. The problem with her is that if you date her for too long you'll be jobless too. Hauz Khas Village will replace your office and she'll dump you once she finds someone more 'happening'.

7. The Stalker

She's snoopy and she's always one step ahead of you. You may or may not remember what you did when, but she will remember, and she will remember it well. You can never lie to this girl or cheat her because she already knows everything, including where you are and with whom. You never know, she might actually run her own detective agency.

8. The Bollywood Diva

She's gorgeous, she's hot, has perfect looking hair and a wardrobe that would put small time actresses to shame. She's an absolute epitome of perfection with those long legs and perfect pout. The only problem is that for her you are nothing more than an arm candy and depending on her financial condition, you might just be her bank account too. She'll dump you like they do in the movies, for someone hotter or someone richer. Till then, worship those long legs!

9. The Sympathy Seeker

This woman will leave no stone unturned to appear like a damsel in distress. Her favorite dialogues include:
  • I don't understand why everyone hates me! What have I done?
  • Why do all wrong things happen with me?
  • Maybe I am too good for this world.
  • Oh, I am new to the city, I don't know anything.
  • I am so hurt right now.
  • I tried, but...

10. The Drunkard

This woman is special. She's willing to go an extra mile, but not for you, for Daaru. She's almost always drunk, and cleaning her puke will become your part time job if you date her for too long. Simple and Clear- Stay Away!

11. The Fitness Maniac

Of course there is nothing wrong in dating a woman who is way more physically fit than you. So what if she has Abs and you have flab! But it won't be so pleasing when she takes you for a run at 5am every morning and creates a ruckus if you miss gym one day.

12. Ms. Calorie Conscious

This woman will never order anything more than a salad. She is always counting her calories and putting in her best efforts to stay in shape. Going out with her for lunch or dinner dates is impossible, as you will either need to feast like a king all by yourself or she will order a salad and eat your fries. In both cases- Naah! Not Happening! 

13. The Frenemy

This almost perfect woman will pretend to love your friends and be nice to them. However, one day you will wake up to realize you aren't friends with those people anymore. This type of woman slowly and steadily plots the exit of your friends from your life, while seeming all naive and innocent. When she says she loves your friends, she really doesn't mean it. Wake up, you need to break up!

14. Daddy's Little Princess

She's not only pampered to the hilt of being spoilt, but she also comes with a set of expectations- Expectations that are higher than anything you can imagine. It's almost impossible to satisfy this one- Buy her a ring and she'll want a Tiara. Plus the added comparisons to Daddy Cool, not so cool after all. 

15. The Shopaholic

This one needs no reason to shop. Sale or no Sale- her never ending quest for the best clothes, shoes and bags keeps her on the prowl. She shops when she's happy and she shops when she's sad! Keep your finances sorted with this woman and you don't have anything to worry about, but that seldom happens.

16. Ms. Suspicious

If it was really up to this woman, she would always keep you in front of her eyes. She is not only over possessive, but crazy too. While you are at your work desk in office, she gets visions of you making out with someone hotter. So unless you find that kinky, and want to keep her informed about your whereabouts every second of the day, this woman is better to stay away from.

17. The Weeper

Happy or Sad- she's always crying. You will have to think 10 times before you say something to this girl as you don't want her to start crying again. You will never see her smile, and this overly emotional woman will make your life frustrating and unbearable. Avoid her.

18. Miss Futuristic

So you just started dating, and she has already planned your honeymoon? Is she already deciding the names of your children too? Looks like this woman is on the fast track! You, however, need to dump this woman and catch your pace.

The above article does not intend to offend anyone. If you have other types of women in mind, please feel free to share your views and opinions in the comments section below.  :)

Monday, 5 May 2014

7 Things Single People say, and what they really mean

So are you single? Have a look at the 7 definite lies below, that you usually tell.

Not Single? Browse through the below checklist and unveil the true feelings of your friends!

1. I don't have time for a relationship.

Hahaha this is hilarious! What are you so busy with? Counting stars??
Oh wait, you must be a celebrity! But guess what, they have time for relationships too!

What they mean: I have no one I can date.

2. I am very career oriented. I can't date anyone because I am already married to my career!

Wow! That's a wonderful excuse to give. OMG did I say wonderful? I meant 'poor'! Yes.. POOR!

What they mean: I have no one I can date. And I am going to use my work as an excuse.

3. I love myself just too much.

Really? What a news! So you mean, people who are dating hate themselves!

What they mean: I have no one I can date.

4. I am not dating because I want to have fun. I wish to enjoy my life.

Right Of Course.. It's the people who date who have sad and lonely lives, and yes! they don't enjoy or have fun.

What they mean: I have no one I can date.

5. No relationship = No worries.

Really? No worries at all? You don't have a care in the world? Who pays your bills, if I may ask?

What they mean: I have no one I can date.

6. I really don't like anyone that way.

Wow! That's a lie! That's not possible. 

What they mean: The one I like is either unavailable or doesn't like me.

7. I don't need anyone in my life.

Everyone needs someone. Enough with the facade.

What they mean: I have no one I can date.